Repaired
by tlin118
Summary: New Moon, Edward doesn't return and Bella seeks comfort with the Cullens. Alice leaves to find herself and uncover her past. Will the Cullen family fall apart, or can Bella keep them together? A new beginning for everyone. Jasper/Bella.
1. the Cullens

**AN: Nothing much happens in this story, just Jasper/ Bella alternate story to New Moon from the POV of Bella Swan a month after Edward left:**

I stared in at the Cullen family in the front room of their big, white house, shivering in my thin coat. Right then, I hated being cold. None of _them_ would ever get cold. And if I was like them, Edward wouldn't have left.

Jasper and Alice were leaning up against a wall and talking earnestly. Probably talking about Edward; everything seemed to be about Edward these days. Even when I slept, when I went through my day, he was always there in spirit if not physically.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle were seated at the table, talking, and I couldn't see Esme but guessed she was doing something to keep herself busy. Anything, to keep her mind off Edward. I knew because that was exactly what I'd been doing; driving all over town and catching myself looking out for bronze haired boys, walking around the forest and thinking that Edward would stop me if he were here. He would hate it if he knew I was in the forest, practically tempting fate.

And today, after a month of nothing, I'd decided I was going to do something about it. Charlie, when he'd seen my face on the way out of the house, had tried to stop me. For once, though, I was determined to do something I'd usually never do.

Edward. My heart felt dead in my chest. Sometimes I wondered if it was even there anymore. When I sighed, my breath made a small white cloud. Shoving my hands into my pockets and cursing inwardly, I went up the front steps. My feet were so loud I was embarrassed; surely they must have heard, but nobody looked up or even moved from their picturesque, perfect family scene.

They worked so well without me, and the thing was that even without Edward there I still wanted intensely to belong with them. I wanted to be a vampire, wanted to be special and important and part of their tightly knit group. It was like I was a little kid again and they were a secret club that I wasn't allowed to enter because I'd just lost my in.

Was it wrong to think of Edward that way, when I should be missing him? Because sometimes what I really missed was what I'd become when he'd loved me. The people I'd met, the new lifestyle, the assurance that I wasn't ordinary and could never be ordinary again...and now that was all gone. The cullens might still be polite to me, but could I really kid myself that now they'd still accept me as a member of their family? It had only been because of Edward that they tolerated me. Now I was just a nuisance. An outsider.

Finally, I knocked on the door and waited. It was Jasper who opened it; detaching himself from Alice and moving so quickly and gracefully that I barely saw his feet touch the floor.

"Ah, hello, Bella," he said, not unkindly, and opened the door wider to let me in. I stared at his face, for once not blushing and looking away. I could be just as strong as any of them if I wanted. "Come in." He didn't even question why I was here, which I appreciated.

Even more appreciated was the sudden wave of courage that seeped into me like warm water, all worried and sad feelings gone. For the first time in a month, I didn't feel as hollow. I knew it still had to be there, but really there was nothing but the incredible warmth. I got one last look at Jasper's face, which was smiling and so friendly I wanted to cry, before he ducked away, back to Alice in their corner and back to whatever important discussion they were having.

I sat at the kitchen table, and Esme came rushing in.

"Bella," she said. Her face was full of worry. "I didn't expect...Alice didn't..."

"Alice isn't too happy at the moment," Carlisle said, voice strained with some emotion I couldn't identify. Esme nodded imperceptibly and sat next to me, setting a soft hand on my shoulder.

"I'm just so glad you're here," she said. "I was worried."

"Do you mind if we get Jasper and Alice in here, or would you rather talk more privately?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't mind," I said quickly. No need to inconvenience them any more than I had to.

"JASPER? ALICE?" Emmett called. "Get in here!" The two came in slowly, Alice oddly subdued and Jasper staring off ahead of him. I tried to meet Alice's gaze but she didn't look at me. What was wrong? I hadn't thought I could feel any more worried...

"What are you doing here?" Rosalie asked abruptly.

"I-" I said, faltering and feeling the blush spread through my cheeks. Of course; I couldn't have held it off for long and I didn't like how they were all watching me and waiting for an explanation. "It's Edward. I-I want to know what's going on. I know he's gone and he says he's not coming back. But is this really happening? Is this it? I mean, isn't there anything at all I can do?"

Esme's face crumpled. "Oh, Bella, honey," she said, and before I could react had pulled me into a tight hug. She smelled like flowers, and her coldness was oddly comforting. There was an unnatural spike inside me and I felt calm. Clear. Almost happy, actually. Like I really could get through this. Honestly, it felt too wonderful for me to be annoyed with Jasper for playing with my emotions.

When she let me go, the rest of the faces around the table were drawn and expectant. "He's being an idiot," Emmett finally said.

"That's true," Jasper said, staring down at his hands which were twined on the table. "I thought Edward had more perspective. How he can just leave? That's not how it works. You don't just take off and leave your problems behind for everyone else-" his voice cracked and I stared at him, surprised. Jasper was always so calm; he seemed genuinely upset.

He wasn't the only one. Alice shifted in her seat and glanced over at Jasper, her face unhappy.

"Alice," Carlisle said. "What do you see?"

"He's staying," she said flatly. "It never changes. He's not coming back, not unless something extreme happens to change his mind. I've never seen him so set on something since, well."

"Since what?" I asked quietly.

"Since he decided he would rather love you than hurt you," she said so softly I almost didn't hear. I stiffened and suddenly couldn't look at the others faces. I stared down at the table, vision blurring, and felt tears distinctly pooling in my eyes. My face was so hot, and even the calmness Jasper had given me was loosening; maybe it was that all this was taking him by surprise, but I could barely feel my emotions being controlled. Maybe it was that I was completely beyond his powers.

"That's enough," Esme said briskly. "I think we've all had enough for tonight. Everyone, out. Bella, you're staying with us." She dragged me up and soon we were maneuvering toward the couch where she draped several large blankets over me and tucked them in. She moved so fast i barely had a chance to open my mouth in protest. The others were gone, out the door or to other rooms. Only Esme stayed, rummaging around the kitchen for the food they kept as a guise.

I was just getting comfortable in the blankets, my tears drying and making my face feel tight, everything soft and warm. I should have cried much longer ago. It made me feel miraculously better for the moment, though I knew I'd pay for it later.

"Just get some sleep, dear," Esme said, and her voice was the last thing I registered, along with a hand stroking my head before I slept without dreams. It was the best sleep I'd had in a month because for that moment Edward was completely and totally gone.


	2. Alice

**Note: this story is planned to be pretty short, and originally I decided the entire thing would span over four chapters. Thanks for reviewing!**

* * *

When I woke up, three vampires sat on the floor by the couch, watching me. Esme, Jasper, Emmett. I smiled automatically. Just seeing them there, watching me like they really did care about me made me feel so much closer to better. Jasper smiled back at me, and I wondered whether he was responsible for this. Still, it could just be the comfort of this room, every memory of this place and the people who lived there.

"You're awake," Esme said, pleasedly. "I'll go get breakfast."

"You missed everything," Emmett said, sounding downright gleeful. "Rose is off sulking, probably because she feels really bad about you and--you know. But she won't admit it because she's supposed to have her grudge about you. And if you can believe it, Jazz and Alice seem to be having a break up-"

"Temporary seperation. Space." Jasper said.

"Break up," Emmett said. "It's been a hectic day for all of us, anyway."

"What? You're breaking up?" My gaze flicked from Jasper to Emmett. "But you guys don't just _break up_. I mean, vampires don't..." I trailed off confusedly.

"Trust Bella to think that's the most important news of the day," Emmett chuckled. "The unlucky couple don't even seem that concerned about it, to tell the truth."

"We're very concerned, actually," Jasper said. "It's just that, as I have explained _multiple times, _Alice and I have always had a complicated relationship. It's not as if we didn't know this was coming."

"Anyway," Emmett said. "I think Esme wants to kidnap you, Bella. She keeps drilling us on how we have to be hospitable and make you feel comfortable at all times. She even called Charlie to tell him you might be staying here for a while."

"Charlie," I said. "No. What did he say?" My heart rate increased.

"Little worried," Emmett said. "Seemed to understand pretty well, considering."

I was on my feet in a second, but Emmett and Jasper were faster, pushing me down again. "Esme wants you to relax for a while," Emmett insisted. "She specifically said not to strain you in any way."

"I have to call Charlie," I said, voice trembling. The thought of what Charlie would do, how worried he must be about Edward's family 'kidnapping' me...I couldn't even imagine it.

"I'll get the phone," Jasper said. "I think Esme would approve of whatever makes her happy." I smiled gratefully as he dropped a sleek, silver flip phone into my hands.

I shouldn't have worried; Charlie was fine, if a little grumpy with me for the sudden disappearance. Talking to Esme, though, seemed to have dispelled any doubts he might have had about my safety. In fact, he practically suggested it might be good for me to stay with them for a while.

* * *

I was halfway into the most delicious breakfast I'd ever had when Alice sat down next to me.

"How are you?" She asked, staring out the window. Her usually happy expression was gone, like all the life had left her. She sagged next to me, leaning on my shoulders and picking up my cup of lukewarm coffee to grip between her hands so hard I was afraid it would shatter.

She was so small, so sad, that I had a strange urge to protect her. But I had to remind myself that this was Alice. She was a hundred times stronger than me, and whatever it was that was making her sad was probably something I couldn't do anything about. I would always be the breakable human.

"Fine. Are you okay, Alice?" I asked, worriedly. "Is it Jasper?"

"Not entirely," she said, with a sigh, dropping her head into her hands. "It's more me than anything, Bella."

"I don't understand."

"It's funny," she said, stirring the coffee and watching it swirl around in ribbons. "After so long, you'd think I'd know more. But the thing is, I still don't have any idea of who I am. Sure, I know the facts, but is that really enough? I want to know what it was like before..." Before she was changed.

"Oh," I said softly. "Alice, I-"

"I want to go and find out," she said, fiercely. "Nobody else knows except Jasper. I don't know anything about what I was like, Bella. Can you imagine what it would be like to have a part of your life just be missing? And I can't be with Jasper, not like we were. I can't be tied down." She looked so determined that for a moment I couldn't say anything.

I'd always imagined that Alice was perfectly happy with what she had. She never faltered, not once. She was always so happy, so bubbly, that I'd never thought maybe she'd just been hiding the other part of herself. _If Edward had been here, he could have stopped her_.  
"I'm leaving tonight," she said. "I want you to tell everyone; they'll take it better, coming from you." She squared her thin shoulders and met my eyes, hers blazing a bright gold.

"You won't change your mind," I said numbly. Even as I wished Edward were here to clean this up, the worst thing wasn't missing him anymore. I was watching the Cullen family fall apart with no way to keep it together. The dull ache of not having him anymore seemed unimportant, compared to losing this family as a whole. I'd always considered their lifestyle, just like them, to be immortal. Unchanging, remaining exactly the way I needed it to be.

"No," she said. "I'll miss you a lot, Bella. I promise I'll come back when I can. This is just something I have to do." Then she got up and left me sitting frozen on the couch, trying to decide whether I should warn the other Cullens about Alice before she was gone.

Whose side was I supposed to take?

That night, as I was supposed to be sleeping, I heard the others talking downstairs.

"She's gone," Emmett said. "I circled for _hours _and she's just gone."

"It makes sense," Esme said softly, dawning comprehension in her voice. "I sometimes thought she wasn't as happy as she said...she can get so restless."

"We can't lose another one," Carlisle said. "All our strength comes from staying together.

"She wants to go," Esme said, placing a hand on his arm. "We can't stop her.

"She might not come back," he said.

"She might not. And we'll have to deal with that if it's the case."


	3. insomnia

When I woke up, I almost didn't know where I was. Then I blinked and recognized the spacious, luxurious room. Edward's room. The pillow, when I pressed my cheek against it, was cool and clean smelling, like laundry detergent. Not like him, the way it should have. My brain was all too happy to supply a perfect replica of the scent. I sighed and sat up on the makeshift bed, recognizing the awful reminiscent feelings.

Sometimes, when I was caught off guard and not surrounded by all the other Cullens determined to make me feel better, I remembered what it was like being with Edward. I'd been in a dream for those past few months. I knew now that it wasn't healthy the way we'd been obsessed over each other. I'd honestly thought that without him I couldn't live. Well, I'd proven that wrong now, hadn't I?

There was a soft sound from downstairs. A rhythmic thump that must have woken me up. Groggily, having to grasp the towering bookshelf for balance, I got up and left the room. I tried to keep my footsteps soft; the carpet was so thick beneath my bare feet that it swallowed most of the sound anyway.

For some reason, my heart beat faster as I got closer to the kitchen. The thumping got louder, just the tiniest millisecond slower than the sound of my heart, and far louder. It was almost a crack now.

I bounded into the kitchen, fumbled for the light, and my foot caught on the edge of the carpet, sending me sprawling to the floor. I absorbed the impact and awkwardly pulled my hand from where it had landed crumpled under my prone body. Color flooding my cheeks, and I looked up to see Jasper doubled over in laughter.

"You actually scared me for a moment there," he choked out. "My God, Bella, are you hurt?" Then he saw the expression on my face and began laughing again.

"You know I'm not," I grumbled. "Nice chivalry, by the way."

He stopped laughing and in one motion, lifted me up by the armpits into a standing position. "Didn't think for a moment you were really hurt or I'd pull more of an Edward," he said. "I'm not much for the shameless melodramatics."

"What were you doing?" I asked, leaning against the counter and wincing as I felt yet another set of bruises coming up.

"Ah, just kicking the fridge," he said. He fiddled with a piece of his gold blonde hair absentmindedly and moved to stand next to me. When I met his gaze, his eyes were speculative. "It wasn't working properly. But I did actually have something to talk about with you, Bella."

"Oh," I said, curiously. What could he want to talk to me about?

"You're fascinating, for a human," he said, voice still perfectly calm. For the first time, I noticed just how calming it was, low and slightly gravelly, quiet as if he was telling a secret. "Surprisingly resilient."

"That's good?"

He laughed. "Yes. I haven't really talked to you, since the party."

I had forgotten that Jasper was dangerous. He looked almost comically innocuous here in the flourescently lighted, beautiful white kitchen, and with that pleasant smile on his face. The memory of that party, the expression on Jasper's face as he'd come so close to attacking me, all seemed distant now.

"That's just it," he said, suddenly. "You're so comfortable with us I can feel it whenever I'm near you. It's obviously dangerous being with us, as we've proven time and time again. But you seem to thrive on it. We all like having you here, of course, and I know I want you to stay, but why?"  
"Why?" I blinked.

"Why are you letting yourself be put in all this danger when you have no motivation? Unless you think Edward's going to come back." His eyes were surprisingly hard.

"He's not," I said. "I know. I just-I like it here, okay? I feel like I should be here."

"Maybe you should," he said. "You're so different from the other humans. Maybe you wouldn't be happy any other way."

"I have a question," I said. It was weird how I could look at Jasper straight on, know he was watching me, without blushing or wanting to look away.

"Shoot."

"How can you be this close to me and not attack me?" Our arms were nearly touching; I could actually feel the cold radiating from him. "I thought-"

"It's not so hard if there isn't blood," he said. "Besides, you're around so much that after a while it gets easier. My guess is it's not anywhere near what Edward had to go through. Just normal thirst." He said it so casually, but I thought I saw him grimace.

"I should go back to sleep," I said suddenly. This was strange, a little too strange for me to take. When did I ever talk to Jasper one on one? We were so different, he and I, or so I'd thought. "Where's everyone else? They can't be sleeping...?"  
"No," Jasper said. There was a tiny white line of a scar from his temple to his eye that I'd never noticed. Poor Jasper. It was so hard for me to grasp that he was a fighter. I couldn't begin to think of what he'd gone through before he became a Cullen. "They're out hunting now. Usually they just do what they normally do while you sleep but quieter. It's become a game for them to try and have whole conversations without talking."

"Oh," I said. "But--" How could I have neglected to think about how my staying here would affect everyone else? If only I was like them, I wouldn't have to be the one straggler who everyone had to make exceptions for. But that seemed like a dim possibility now.

"Sleep, Bella," he said, gently. "And, honestly, this family would do anything for you. You have to accept that you are one of us." Then, as I was hovering at the doorway to the kitchen and getting ready to retreat to my warm bed, he was in front of me in a split second.

Then, before I could react, he was tugging on my wrists, pulling me to him. He leaned down and pressed a quick, cool kiss to the forehead. When I blinked, he was across the kitchen, leaning casually against the opposite counter.

"That was very easy," he said. "So maybe Edward wasn't a miracle worker after all." Then he'd disappeared into the shadows and I went back to Edward's room, trying not to mull over what had just happened and search it for meanings.


	4. swimming

AN: so this is the last chapter...tell me what you think!

* * *

"We're going swimming," Esme announced. I was sitting at the kitchen table with Jasper and Emmett who were arm wrestling (Emmett, as usual, was barely winning) and Rosalie who was wearing her heavily disinterested look again. She was becoming exceptionally good at ignoring me even when I was right next to her.

"Swimming," Rosalie said flatly.

"Carlisle's packing," she said. "There's just a little stretch of the beach we're allowed on and we haven't been in forever."

I looked out the window, which took up the entire wall. For vampires, the Cullens didn't seem to have privacy as a high priority. Above the thick, dark mass of trees I could see a strip of sky that was cut small and ragged. If I was correct, it'd be raining within thirty minutes.

"It has to be twenty degrees out," Jasper said. "Bella can't swim."

"No," I said, immediately.

"Jasper's right," Esme said. "Maybe we shouldn't go. It is awfully cold."

Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to go in the water with them. If Edward were here, this would be the moment where he got furious and dragged me upstairs to wrap me up in blankets and make me hot tea.

And you know what? That had been really, really annoying. My ex boyfriend was nothing if not overprotective.

"I'll just get out if I feel cold," I said. "I'm fine, honestly."

The rest of the table was silent for a while and then Emmett said, "What the hell. Let her do it if she wants to."

"Emmett," Esme said under her breath.

"What? I'm not going to tell her not to do something just because it isn't technically _safe. _A good ninety percent of the things we do aren't safe."

"Edward wouldn't want--"

"Edward isn't here. And even if he was, Bella gets to choose." After Emmett was finished, it seemed like a general agreement that I could go.

That didn't stop Esme from packing a heap of blankets, towels, and warm thermoses of coffee into the trunk of the sleek, black car three of us would be taking. I sat in the backseat of the car, the leather cool and sticky when I left my hands there. When I squinted, I could almost make out the outlines of people moving outside the tinted glass windows in the dark garage.

Carlisle and Emmett sat down in the front seats and we took off. I could only guess at how fast we were going; my back was pressed against my seat constantly but the Carlisle drove so smoothly it was impossible to tell exactly.

And then we were there, unloading at a flat expanse of beach surrounded by trees. It didn't look like anything special. The water was low and dark, occasionally moving up higher on the beach and sliding down again, erasing our footprints. All six of us laid camp up on top of a large rock and began removing their clothes to reveal the sleek, dark wetsuits that only I really needed.

"Race you!" Emmett yelled, running headfirst into the water while Jasper struggled to catch up with his shirt still around his arms. The rest of us rushed after them, laughing and letting out small screams as the water rose up above our shoulders. I dimly registered a prickly cold seeping through my bones.

It was so cold for the first five minutes that I kept thinking I was going to run back and wrap myself in blankets inside the car. But it was so easy to forget I was human when I was with the Cullens. They obviously didn't get the opportunity to swim much and were all giddy with excitement. Even Rosalie joined in on the water fight, her flawless blonde hair turning darker and sticking to her neck with dampness. I hadn't thought she could be any prettier, but she was absolutely radient now because this was the first time I'd seen Rosalie happy.

Finally, after it had started to rain and the drops sounded like slaps as they hit the ground, Jasper looked over at me and said, "You should get out of the water."

"I'm fine," I said, though the cold was starting to come back.

"Your lips are blue," he said, eyes narrowed. "Unless you want someone to carry you out..." I sighed. He was right, but I hated the idea of leaving. Still, with some difficulty I made my way back to land. The water fight had mostly ended and now Rosalie and Emmett were already on land, talking animatedly.

Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle followed me back to land and I half walked, was half dragged, into the car where a stack of blankets were placed on my lap and a deliciously warm thermos of coffee in my wetsuit covered hands.

The others left to stretch out on the beach, but Jasper stayed and sat next to me. He was so much taller than me that it was funny. I had to tilt my head up just to see his face.

"You're happy," he said, finally. "A lot happier than when you first got here."

"I am," I said, staring down at the stainless steel thermos gripped in my hands.

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm glad. You're...nice to be around when you're happy. Not that you're not nice to be around otherwise. It's just that when you're happy then so am I." He'd been staring ahead and now he tilted his head to meet my eyes.

"It's that simple?" I asked. Inexplicably, I was blushing. Anyone else would be too cold for that, but not me, apparently. "I'm happy so you are? But isn't that hard to feel everything all the people around you feel?"

"Just the strongest emotions. Besides, it's not that exactly."

"What?"

"It's me being happy, not the aftereffects of you being happy. What I mean is, um. I'm happy because I wanted you to be happy and now you are."  
"Oh," I said, surprised. "That's nice." I realized that my fingers were itching to trace along his angular jawline, along the small white scar. Pressing my hands together, I reminded myself who this was. Not Edward. Jasper.

"You know what's hard?" He said abruptly. His eyes had that same speculative look to them, but with something else I couldn't identify. I was about to say no, when he continued. "Knowing when to use my powers."

I'd never known the specifics of Jasper's powers, only that he could change peoples emotions, sense what they were feeling just by being near them.

"Like now," he said, moving a little closer to me until for some reason my heart was beating too fast, and I couldn't see anything but him even at the edges of my vision.

Jasper? But no, that was stupid. I'd never thought of Jasper as anything but another member of the Cullen family which I someday hoped to belong to. It was just that he and all the others were so unnaturally handsome; how could anyone not be attracted to them? Did it mean anything, except that they had eyes?

I couldn't help taking him in, from the wet tangles of blonde hair that hung in his face to the ghost of a smile on his lips. He smelled briny from the ocean and the scent stung my nose even as I wanted to keep smelling it.

"You see," he said, smile fading and then he was moving in until we were nose to nose, "Supposing that I kiss you now and you kiss me back, how will I know that I haven't gotten ahead of myself and made you want to kiss me?"

Then, before I even knew what I was doing, my hands had moved to my shoulders and I was pulling myself to him, his lips soft and cold on mine. For a moment, he didn't react--I must have surprised him, considering I'd surprised myself.

But he rallied quickly and was pressing large hands to the small of my back and into my hair. I fell back against the closed car door and felt his smooth, sharp cheek, along with the indent of the scar. I couldn't think anything except _Jasper_. He was everywhere, pressing his lips desperately to mine.

And somehow, even though he was the freezing one and I was warm, I could feel myself burning from the inside out. Of course, I thought, smiling against his mouth. Of course Jasper was the one I was supposed to be with. How had I never guessed?

THE END


End file.
